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Por Adria Cruz

Carta a Míster Président

11/15/2012

First of all, let me congratulate you for your victory. And now, call a hispanic member of your staff, you are going to need him or her to read you the rest of this letter, because it is written in puertorrican english. Thank you.

Okéi.

Dis leter is tu jelp iu in de important cuest of onderstandin juát de jel japend in Puerto Rico last güik. Yu nid dis, espéchali bicos of de bonch of leters yu ar góin tu ricif in dis déis güiz díferent interpretéichons of de risolts of de estátus consult.

De ferst léter, from de resident comíchoner Pedro Pierluisi, güil tel yu dat de mayoriti of puertorricans vouted for estéitjud. De congresman, as ji (juat an inyeniú) cols himself, güil tel yu dat estéitjud güon móar vouts dan independens and dan sóverein frí asocieited estéit. And dat is tru.

De sécond léter, from elected governor Alejandro García Padilla, güil tel yu dat if yu sum de vouts of de sóverein frí asocieited estéit güiz de blank ballots of de comongüelz, or as jí cols it (juat an inyeniú), frí asocieited estéit, suporters, de risolt güil bi bíguer dan de nómbers for estéitjud. And dat is olso tru. (If yu don’t onderstand de leter, güel, ji is güerking on it, guif jim e bréik.)

Yu güil próbabli ricif a zerd léter from governor Luis Fortuno teling yu … som zings I canot publiquéit. Forguif jim. Romney’s los afected jim móar dan jis aun los.

(Ou, and dat leter from Melinda Romero aquiusin de Arcbíchop of de risolts, zrou it agüei, it guos ment for de Vatican, bot de Poup jas guiven instrokchons dat ol leters from jer shul bi redairect tu de Juaitjaus.)

Bot, cómin bac tu de plébisait. Yu ar próbabli e bit confiusd, as güi ol ar jíar tú. Don’t guorri, güi güil not jould yu rispónsibol for dis. Contradikchon is in auar blod. Mai recomendéichon is dat yu ask puertorricans for a móar específic mandeit. Estéitjud yer or nou. If yu ar not (as Ai suspect), pro estéitjud, Ai zink yu can briz a sáig of rilif. As long as güi jaf Marshalls, güi don’t nid énizin els.

Bot, if yu ar pro estéitjud, den yu güil jaf tu ofer somzin tu convinz os. Laik móar ráits or bénefits. Or ei Cheesecake Factory, at list. Zénkiu.

Sincérili yúars,

Adria Cruz